


Isn't That Pathetic?

by ThatSpicySeaFlapFlap



Series: Extraordinary: Their Lives As Numbers [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Gen, I'm Sorry, Self-Esteem Issues, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 13:50:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18152666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatSpicySeaFlapFlap/pseuds/ThatSpicySeaFlapFlap
Summary: He found a word for what he was feeling. Lachesism. The desire to be struck by disaster, for it to royally fuck up your life. Isn’t that pathetic?





	Isn't That Pathetic?

Diego fucking Hargreeves had dealt with a lot of shit in his life.   
  
Siblings and their asshole books, abusive fathers, a pinch of abandonment issues, America and it’s bullshitty bullshit, and his time trapped in a water tank broadcast to the greater part of bullshitty America, to name a few. But his problems didn’t matter, his complaints has no backing. He turned out slightly less childish than his siblings, so he’s not fucked up. Just an asshole, according to Vanya.   
  
He doesn’t take drugs to block out his power.   
  
He didn’t have the terrible parenting skills that somehow had him lose custody of his daughter.   
  
He didn’t get trapped on the moon for no reason.   
  
He didn’t get stuck in the apocalyptic future where he stumbled up his siblings dead bodies and was then hired by an overzealous assassination company.   
  
He didn’t die.   
  
He wasn’t the only “ordinary” one in a house of “paranormal, self-righteous dicks”.   
  
He was none of those things, he was just a single, twenty nine year old janitor who happened to throw knives well and who wasn’t as fucked up as his siblings. (So he can’t be fucked up at all, his problems are pitiful compared to theirs)   
  
Luthor was banished, Allison was manipulated, Klaus was locked in with corpses, Ben was ripped apart every time he used his powers, Vanya was ignored and shunned. And what was he?   
  
(Worthless, but not because of his father)   
  
What did he contribute?   
  
(Nothing, but not because of his father)   
  
He was useless (but not because of his father).   
  
he was Worthless. Powerless, with his weakass abilities and shitty attitude. His problems aren’t that extreme. His problems  _ aren’t as bad. _   
  
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, he wishes his dad was meaner to him. That Sir Reginald was more of an asshole. Instead of playing the sadistic stage manager, he was the villain. So he wouldn’t feel like such a weakness whiny bitch when he complained.   
  
Maybe that’s why he took so strongly to boxing, it doesn’t give him the guilt of going to a therapist for his minuscule problems.   
  
He read Vanya’s book. It was a good book, but it only proved something to Diego-he wasn’t as fucked up as his siblings.   
  
By God, he shouldn’t be disappointed. 

  
So, he just punched harder, fought harder, rebelled from his father even more though the man is old and  _ did not care. _

  
It was as if Diego was precariously balancing on a tightrope, and on the bottom was an ice age and an fiery inferno. 

  
He started a rock band with Vanya, puck rock to be exact. They had zero talent, zero practice, just a mutual urge to rebel. A mutual  _ understanding _ of the challenges they were facing. Or so he thought.

 

In Vanya’s book, it was  _ very clearly  _ pointed out how Diego, never said I Love You. Not to his siblings, not to his father, Hell, not even to Grace. How even Five, apathetic Five who had even less time in the Hellhole than the rest of them, said I Love You.

 

His siblings didn’t understand that Diego didn’t say I love you, because he didn’t  _ deserve  _ to love them. He didn’t  _ deserve  _ to empathise, not even empathise,  _ sympathize _ with them. He didn’t  _ deserve  _ it, their love. Not until he went through something similar to them.

 

His father manipulated and mutated Luthor, built the perfect plaything, only to throw him away in the end.

 

His father fucked up Allison so bad she thought it was okay to command her child around like a doll.

 

His father forced Klaus into a room with his greatest fear surrounding him, never letting him out of his mental prison. Klaus’s only way to escape was popping pills and shooting heroin.

 

Five was so done with his fathers  _ bullshit _ , and got trapped in an apocalypse because of it. 

 

His father forced Ben to unleash a monster, ripping open his chest to launch the hideous.

 

His father isolated Vanya, killed her dreams, and thrust her into the insanity of villainy. 

 

Him? Diego got shoved in an aquarium for a couple hours, while Klaus was locked in a  _ mausoleum _ for  _ three motherfucking days _ . 

 

He found a word for what he was feeling. Lachesism. The desire to be struck by disaster, for it to royally fuck up your life. Isn’t that pathetic? Wanting to have your life ruined so you could have value,  _ reason _ , to be so fucked up?

 

_ Diego’s problems were  _ **_nothing_ ** _ compared to theirs.  _

 

He was pathetic. 

 

“You just want to prove that all those years you spent as children weren’t for  _ nothing _ .” No, it’s not that. Diego is ashamed,  _ oh so fucking ashamed _ , so that he could go out, and dive headfirst into danger, so that he could feel  _ pain _ . So that he could have  _ reason _ for being fucked up. So he could have a  _ reason  _ for having the same problems as his siblings. 

 

Maybe that’s why he decided to go back in time. Because he  _ was not  _ fucking noble, honest, or a “good person.”

 

Maybe it was so he could have a reason for being so fucked up. 

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly? I'm Sorry. Apologizes have been Made. If you are ever feeling like this, I need you to know that your problems are W O R T H Y!
> 
>  
> 
> Please comment and tell me how you feel about this type of work. It's part of a series, so I suggest reading the other works, but it's not required. But, I would really appreciate it <3\. Look I just did a white girl heart. Good Night My Children, You Are Loved.


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